I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
