He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
