I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
