I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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