Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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