btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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