It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
