I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
