Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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