It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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