I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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