I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You made out with two different species that night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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