God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
