It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
