We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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