Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
