mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone shattered a urinal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize