You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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