I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
