thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize