Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
