god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
