He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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