I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
