I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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