Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
