hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
