Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
