Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
