Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
