I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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