Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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