We won't sleep together?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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