i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
being pregnant is like rehab
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
