Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
