Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
