Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
