Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
