It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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