I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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