im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
