Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't turn off my feet"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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