I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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