Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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