His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm both gender and math confused
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
