I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
