He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My breasts were aching with rage.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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