Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
