Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
