just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
