does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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