You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
