a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
