I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I could make wine with my vomit
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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