he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
