I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
