y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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