I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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