She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
