from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
