I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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