he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
