I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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