Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
