I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
