I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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