Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
