we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
