Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
