can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
