If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
