I can text with my tongue
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
