Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
